I don’t mean making a cup of tea, or editing an assignment that it reads better.
I mean subliminal things.
Like having another glass of wine, even though you don’t want to, because you know otherwise he’ll finish the bottle, not matter how much is left in it.
Or limiting your own success, to support a perceived expectation.
Silly, isn’t it.
Drinking more wine doesn’t solve someone else’s issue with alcohol.
Not being successful yourself, doesn’t make someone else more successful.
And still we do it – even though we know it doesn’t make sense.
But don’t worry, such habits can be healed.
So, why do so many people have such irrational habits?
Here is why.
It starts in childhood, when we’re dependent on our parents. We love them – and we are loyal to them and our family.
For example, if dad gets sick, the child gets scared. Her survival is dependent on him being fit and being able to provide for her.
So, in her innocent love, a child’s logic is not rational. She thinks unconsciously: “If I get sick, my dad doesn’t have to – and will be there for me.”
Or: “If I am bad at school, my granddad doesn’t get sad because he couldn’t have a higher education because of the war.”
As adults we know that this is not how it works, our health and intelligence is unique to us.
But the child doesn’t.
But even as adults, these dynamics can still be active. They are just more subtle.
Maybe we get sick a lot and wonder why.
Or we wonder why we don’t have the courage to go for higher education, even though we know we are intelligent enough for it.
We are loyal to our ancestors, and are still, unconsciously, trying to take the weight of their shoulders.
So how can this be healed?
This is where Systemic and Family Constellations are particularly powerful. They bring such dynamics to light, because these are systemic issues:
They are part of the invisible structure we have inherited and carry with us wherever we go.
Once there is more clarity, healing starts to happen.
Then, through a process – a ritual – unique to the constellation structure, such unhealthy habits can be let go of.
If this resonates with you, and you have a suspicion that you are stuck in such a dynamic, please get in touch with me.
We can arrange a Systemic Constellations session to help you heal this.