A strange thing happened to me the other day.
I got a call from a health practitioner. She was closing her practice – as of now.
This news was a bit of a shock to the system.
Had weekly bookings with her for the next 6 weeks, to help heal an injured shoulder.
The practitioner had been sick for over a week – and, when recovered took time to reassess her situation.
She concluded that some of her family members needed her help, even more than her clients did.
Working on family after hours didn’t work. Half – half didn’t work, either.
“It is all or nothing,” she said.
It is beautiful to see how she cares for her extended family. They must have strong family ties.
But… giving up a flourishing practice? Work she is passionate about and obviously gifted in?
I’m not sure.
You see, sometimes family ties hold us back, stop us from fulfilling our life’s purpose.
Here is why:
We are subconsciously loyal to the system we are born into.
Now, often our ancestors did not have the same opportunities we have now. They could not make a success out of their gifts because of external circumstances, such as war.
Naturally we want to stay close to them.
Unconsciously we say to them in our mind: “you did not have a chance to be successful, so I won’t either.”
However, this does not make their fate any easier. Theirs is already done.
So we need to allow ourselves to step away – which can be pretty tough.
But it can be done – here is how:
- Imagine your ancestors in your mind’s eye
- Acknowledge what happened to them
- Acknowledge that it’s their fate – not yours
- Ask for their blessing when you follow your own purpose now
- Move away gracefully
Then tune into them – most of the time they will be more than happy to let you go.
You have a chance now to really go for what you are gifted for – and take the opportunity to be successful.
Sometimes however, current family members might unconsciously try to hold us back.
They might not like to see us succeed – because they themselves din’t have the courage to step away. Repeating the same old ancestral trauma.
Maybe, before we started to move away, we’d filled a void in their life
Now that we no longer fill that void, they are faced with their pain.
It depletes us and makes us sick if we continue to fill that void. We are not living our potential.
In the end everybody is responsible for their own happiness.
We can’t take that job on for anybody – as much as we would love to, because we care for them. They’re our family after all.
So how can we deal with such a situation?
Acknowledge their pain and fate – then withdraw with respect.
Depending on the situation, this can be difficult at first.
But believe me – it’s worth it.
It doesn’t just free you up. It will make them stronger, too.
Because somebody trusts them that they can do it themselves – carry their own fate.
You see? It can all be done with love.
Now, sometimes it’s not quite clear what’s holding you back – or, no matter how hard you try, you just don’t manage to step away on your own.
This is where Systemic and Family Constellations are helpful. They bring insights, as well as a process, some might call a ritual, to make moving away easier.
So, if you are in such a situation, please get in contact with me,
So that I can accompany you along the way for a while, as you go for what you’re here for.