Sitting on the back deck requires a thick cardie and two blankets wrapped around you. It’s still only 13º out here.
The cardie is hand knitted and goes down to my knees like a coat. It made Winter here much more enjoyable. I’m warm.
Having knitted this cardie myself creates meaning when wearing it.
There is a relationship with the cardie.
The blankets also have meaning – one comes from the bed of my childhood, the other blanket is a hand down from my great-grandmother.
That one is really old. It has a few holes and the edges are reinforced with hand crochet. Not sure who did this. I imaging my great-grandmother.
There is a relationship with the blankets, too. They give a feeling of being ‘at home’ away from home.
Away from home?
What is home really?
Maybe it’s the place where we grew up, or the place our family has been settled for generations. But what if our parents come from different places?
It’s possible that a place we call home does not exist for us. Where is our home then?
Living in a different place can be forced upon you – or be your own choice. The reason might be economic, social, political, cultural, racism, war, working for a multinational corporation, or just pure adventurism.
Don’t get me wrong. It is good to experience different cultures. What I am talking about here is when we stay away too long and the connection to ‘our roots’ gets lost.
We change when we go away. So does the place we come from. It’s not home anymore – at least not in the way it was.
Yet, no other place might ever feel totally the same as the ‘home’ we come from. Our history is not there.
So, what can we do in such a situation?
Some keep moving to find the ‘perfect’ place to settle.
Some say “find a place inside yourself where you feel at home”. Easier said than done – but it can be done.
Having good relationships helps.
They are nourishing, warm your heart and make you feel ‘at home’. This is not just with an intimate partner, it can also be with friends, neighbours, work colleagues, the shop assistant, etc.
You can have a nourishing relationship with an object that has meaning for you. Examples are the hand knitted cardigan and the old blankets I was writing about.
The have good memories associated with them.
Alternatively, a teddy bear, a beautiful statue or a special candle might be a good place to start.
Try that – how does it make you feel?
Of course the ‘not feeling at home’ is big and complex.
If the above simple step does not work for you, maybe Systemic Constellations can help you get there. It works with objects, too.
Systemic Constellations have an amazing ability to heal unhelpful patterns that might have gone through generations.
It gives insights, and helps you find your place in your family, your work, your community. Restlessness turns into restfulness.
If this sounds like you, I’m available on Skype.